雅思考試寫作評改一例

　　Original

　　During 1955 to 1975, the mortgage interest rate gradually increase from 5% to 8% and then followed by a dramatic increase from 1975 to 1985 to a peak of 20%. After that, it drops sharply from 1985 to 1995 to a bottom of 8% and then it growth up to 10% in 1995. However, it drops again from 1995 to 1998.

　　Edit

　　During 1955 to 1975, the average mortgage interest rate gradually from 5% to 8% and then followed by a dramatic increase from 1975 to 1985 to a peak of 20%. After that, it drops dropped sharply from between 1985 to and 1995 to a of at 8% and then after which it growth up rose to 10% in 1995 . However, it drops again from

　　Final

　　During 1955 to 1975, the average mortgage interest rate gradually increased from 5% to 8% followed by a dramatic increase from 1975 to 1985 to a peak of 20%. After that, it dropped sharply between 1985 and 1995 reaching the bottom at 8% after which it rose to 10% in 1996. However, it dropped again from 1995 (10%) to 1998 (9%).

　　Comments:

　　Remember to use the past when talking about actions that are finished in the past. I altered some parts not because they were wrong , but because it is better to use a little variety in your descriptions. It is good that you mentioned the peak and bottom, and that you described the trends without worrying about every little change.

　　Note that the graph shows the AVERAGE mortgage interest rate.